Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha

2012-03-17T03:30:00.001-07:00

A woman walked out of my room after enduring her first Brazilian and yelled, "a man must have invented that sadistic shit!"

2012-03-16T04:02:00.001-07:00

A lot of people agree that farting is different.
~your Brazilian Gas Master~

2012-03-15T03:13:00.002-07:00

A man drove by the salon and noticed my car. It's pretty and yellow. When he got close to it, he read the license plate. It says "waxitall.' His wife mentioned that she wanted to get a Brazilian and didn't know where to go. He told her about the car and how it had a license plate that said something about taking it all off. Now I have a new client because of my car.

2012-03-14T03:46:00.003-07:00

As an adult, things are so different when you get a Brazilian and are bald. For example, I had a client tell me that farting was a lot different when you are waxed. Not only do the farts vibrate, they make a lot more noise.

2012-03-13T03:58:00.001-07:00

A girl threatened to wrap her legs around my neck. Brazilians can be dangerous.

2012-03-12T03:58:00.001-07:00

Jillian Michaels says that sex is good for your health. Mary Elizabeth says that sex is better with a Brazilian.

2012-03-11T07:08:00.002-07:00

I had a guy come into the room with his girlfriend to film her Brazilian. He said he likes to document first experiences. When I lifted her leg, he couldn't see her parts, so he moved to the end of the bed. When he got close, he realized how red her skin was and that there was a little blood. His face got pale and I had to tell him if he was going to faint, he needed to sit down. So I have to ask you, who are the real pussies?

2012-03-10T00:04:00.002-08:00

In the middle of a Brazilian, a client said "you are a FREAK for doing this!" I'm okay with that.

2012-03-09T02:35:00.002-08:00

Get a Brazilian and your man will pant for your pussy.

2012-03-08T03:21:00.002-08:00

Today is my 700TH consecutive blog. Vagina's, rectums and women are a fascinating trio that keep me laughing on a daily basis. It has been a crazy career choice and I may be a little crazy, but I'm not done talking about twats yet, so stay tuned....
~your Brazilian Blogger~

2012-03-07T03:43:00.003-08:00

Couples often come in the room together. Men seem to like to watch their women get a Brazilian. I teased a husband about having to floss because his wife hadn't been in to see me in a few months. He told me he was on a diet.

2012-03-06T03:49:00.002-08:00

I love it when my clients take a half or full day off work so they can get a Brazilian. That's dedication.

2012-03-05T06:34:00.002-08:00

Getting a Brazilian won't give you an infection. There are a lot of reasons one can get an infection in the vag, but it's not from getting waxed unless the place you go is really nasty. You're safe at Mark & M.E.

2012-03-04T05:40:00.001-08:00

Still liking the idea of the Ass Jack.
~your Brazilian inventor~

2012-03-03T03:14:00.002-08:00

I have written nearly 700 consecutive blogs about my intimate experiences with the female anatomy and their owners. The main purpose of this endeavor was to find someone to help me publish my manuscript called "The Happy Hoo-Ha" which is also about my experiences as a Brazilian Wax Tech. I would like to reach out again and implore anyone who finds me the least bit funny or interesting to connect me with someone who can help me spread my joy about the vag with others.
~your aspiring Brazilian writer~

2012-03-02T03:54:00.002-08:00

After I told a friend about the girl from yesterday, she had an excellent suggestion. What if I were to develop a device similar to a car jack that would be able to separate the cheeks of women who can't hold their own asses apart.
~your Brazilian developer~

2012-03-01T03:38:00.002-08:00

I had a girl come in for a Brazilian who had a significant amount of Junk in her Trunk. She brought a friend in for moral support since it was her first time. When I asked her to roll on her side and lift her cheek, she said she couldn't because her ass was too heavy and her hand was too sweaty. This is when we had to ask the friend to come help hold her cheek up.

2012-02-29T04:21:00.003-08:00

Today is a special day. The 29Th of February doesn't happen very often. Whether you have a fresh Brazilian or not, make sure to make this a day to remember.

2012-02-28T03:41:00.002-08:00

I do read and appreciate all of your comments, The sad thing is that I can't figure out how to respond to them. There was a reader who said she refers to me as RipZilla. I like that.
~Godzilla's Brazilian cousin~

2012-02-27T03:41:00.003-08:00

I understand there is a monetary commitment when you get a Brazilian on a monthly basis. That is why I am less expensive than most salons and why I offer cash and student discounts. Some women will do anything to make it happen. One of my girls actually rolled quarters in order to get waxed. I've never felt so proud.

2012-02-26T06:53:00.001-08:00

I had another article published! http://thesocialgods.com/whos-the-real-boss/
~your Brazilian writer~

2012-02-25T03:05:00.001-08:00

Snatches are like snowflakes. No two are exactly alike.
~Brazilian Wisdom~

2012-02-24T04:25:00.002-08:00

Yesterday, I was seriously in entrenched in some deep, dark bush. Women who I haven't seen for months, like Thanksgiving or Summer. It was hard work and I am actually sore today. I think I need to ask my boss for some combat pay.
~your Brazilian Soldier~

2012-02-23T04:09:00.000-08:00

There is a lot more talk on Showtime about doing it in the back entrance. For almost 20 years, I've been waxing that area on women. I am glad that I have kept my girls prepared for anything all these years.
~your Brazilian girl, back & front~

2012-02-22T02:14:00.003-08:00

I'm sitting in a crowded airport at 5 in the morning looking around at all the women who probably need my services. Brazilians To Go. Interesting concept.

2012-02-21T07:04:00.003-08:00

I'm sorry I don't have handles on my beds for you to hang onto. I have women who try to hang on to me, but if I can't use both arms to pull, your Brazilian experience is going to be a lot more painful. If you are the type of person that needs to hang onto something, bring a friend or a stuffed animal. You could also bring a dildo. That would be a great motivator to get you through the service.

2012-02-20T06:00:00.001-08:00

There were a lot of women looking for Jesus in my wax rooms last week.
~your spiritual Brazilian leader~

2012-02-19T07:27:00.003-08:00

I had a woman use baby wipes on her feet before she hopped up on the table to help with her foot odor. Not a bad idea.
~hints of ways to love your Brazilian friend~

2012-02-18T05:21:00.000-08:00

I had a young girl come in for her second Brazilian who told me that when she left Mark & M.E. last time, she had very mean thoughts about me. But she came back. They usually do.

2012-02-17T04:35:00.000-08:00

I had to remind another person that the decision to remove the rectal hair is not a subject that is open for discussion. It just happens.
~your Brazilian Dominatrix~

2012-02-16T03:01:00.000-08:00

One of my older clients told me that her husband offered to use conditioner on her bush because it had been so long since she had been in to see me.
~your Brazilian hairdresser~

2012-02-15T03:37:00.000-08:00

A girl needed a Brazilian but waited longer than usual so she'd be bald for Valentine's Day. Her boyfriend was talking dirty to her and asked her if she was getting wet. She said she wasn't because it was all getting absorbed in her hair.
~Brazilian Bedtime Talk~

2012-02-14T04:16:00.000-08:00

Today is dedicated to couples which is pretty obnoxious since there are a lot of people out there who aren't a part of a couple. So on this Valentine's Day, if you don't have a Valentine and can't find someone to enjoy your Vag, take matters into your own hands. It works better that way most of the time anyways.
~your Brazilian advice columnist~

2012-02-13T04:27:00.000-08:00

Furry Fannies
Are No Fun.
~your Brazilian poet~

2012-02-12T04:35:00.000-08:00

Men love to contribute their thoughts on our pubic region. One of my girls hadn't been waxed in several months. Her husband started naming her bush. He referred to it as Abe Lincoln and Abdul, for example. When I finished her Brazilian, I told her to text her man and tell him that M.E. killed Abdul. She did.
~your pubic hair assassin~

2012-02-11T02:38:00.000-08:00

Women get very excited when they finish getting their first Brazilian. A girl sat up on the table, swung her legs over the side, looked down at her vagina and exclaimed "Wow, now I'm going to have to name her!"

2012-02-10T05:10:00.000-08:00

A girl asked her fuck buddy if her snatch was a scratch-n-sniff, what would it smell like? He told her it smelled and tasted like strawberries. I asked her what she thought he'd say after I gave her a Brazilian? What would your man say?

2012-02-09T04:48:00.000-08:00

Friction can cause breakage. Please don't bitch about it. Be happy you're getting some.
~your Brazilian consultant~

2012-02-08T03:46:00.000-08:00

Please don't let the idea of getting a

Brazilian

freak you out. It is a quick procedure that really isn't that horrible. I had a college girl that was so anxious she said she was going to throw up on me. Now that was another first.

2012-02-07T03:48:00.000-08:00

Women are so funny about their bodies. I asked a girl to take her pants and undies off and she told me that the man she sleeps with doesn't even see her naked.
~your Brazilian friend~

2012-02-06T06:17:00.000-08:00

I got a Facebook message from one of my regulars that said "I hope you get all pretty pussies today!" Thank you for such a wonderful sentiment. I hope so too.
~your Brazilian Beautician"

2012-02-05T05:17:00.001-08:00

Last night, Mark & I went to the Ballet. While we were waiting in the lobby, there was a middle aged couple blatantly staring at us and discussing our attire. The woman approached Mark, handed him a card, and said that she thought we'd be interested in what was on the card. It was an invitation to a local sex community. I think that could be the perfect venue for me to hand out my card.
~your Brazilian Madam~

2012-02-04T03:44:00.000-08:00

Hairy
Is Scary.
Bald
Gets Mauled.

~your Brazilian poet~

2012-02-03T03:37:00.000-08:00

When I roll you on your right side, it means we are just about done with the Brazilian. This moment can be a very exciting time in a woman's life. The best was when I asked a woman to turn away from me because we were almost finished and she yelled "Amen!"

2012-02-02T03:45:00.000-08:00

Even though it usually takes me less than 10 minutes to give a woman a Brazilian, I tend to make people sweat. I don't keep the rooms that warm, but it can be a slightly embarrassing and painful experience for some women. So, during the winter, don't wear a heavy sweater during your appointment. The Popsicle stick slides off sweaty skin and makes the Brazilian more difficult.

2012-02-01T03:44:00.000-08:00

When a woman complains that her ass hair is getting tangled in her thong, I think it is time for a Brazilian.

2012-01-31T03:47:00.001-08:00

I switched up the music in my wax rooms the past couple weeks. It's hard to decide what the best kind of music is to have on in the background while you are giving someone a Brazilian. A song came on during the wax that was so perfect that the client and I were laughing and singing to it. A man was looking for someone to ride his disco stick and I was getting her ready to do just that.

2012-01-30T03:43:00.000-08:00

I got a message on Facebook from a client who's boyfriend wants his junk waxed. He said he wanted to experience what she went through when she got her Brazilian the other day. I told her to put duct tape between his cheeks, put in a pair of ear plugs and rip it off.
~your ever considerate Brazilian Wax Tech~

2012-01-29T03:55:00.000-08:00

A lot of women who get Brazilians leave some hair in the front. In honor of Valentine's Day, a woman asked me to leave a heart on the front of her pubis. I feel pretty confident that my heart on gave someone else a hard on.
~your Brazilian artist~

2012-01-28T04:00:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to say that Mark & M.E. has 4 wax rooms now, because we have several technicians that are able to wax. When one of my employees was waxing a man's back, he could hear the laughter going on in the other rooms. He asked my girl if there was a party going on at the salon? There sure was. It was a pussy party.
M.E.
Your Brazilian Party Coordinator

2012-01-27T03:25:00.000-08:00

Got an email from a girl who hadn't been in for a Brazilian in awhile. She requested an appointment and then asked the question... "can you say furry?"

2012-01-26T04:56:00.000-08:00

Waxing an area as sensitive as a puss can disrupt the natural PH of a woman's body. It is really important that you shower at some point after you have been waxed. [before is encouraged as well] It is even more important that after you shower, you don't put any lotions, powders or oils on the skin. External products can encourage the growth of bacteria or irritation. It is highly unlikely that waxing will cause an infection as long as the area is kept dry and clean after you are waxed. You even may want to wait a day before getting down and dirty with your man because condoms can really piss off the area as well.

Till tomorrow,
M.E. Your Brazilian Guru

2012-01-25T04:17:00.000-08:00

Another mature woman told me her husband would never notice she got a Brazilian. When she came in for the second time, I asked her if her husband noticed. She said that he never said anything, but she was getting a lot more oral.

Till Next Time,

M.E.
Brazilian Extraordinaire

2012-01-24T03:13:00.000-08:00

I waxed a woman who has been married over 20 years who told me that her husband would never notice that she got a wax. When she came in a month later, I asked her if he realized she had gotten a Brazilian. With a big, happy smile and a surprised tone, she said "Oh yes, he did!"

2012-01-23T04:24:00.000-08:00

Unless you kick me in the head or fart in my face, you do not need to apologize.

2012-01-22T04:30:00.000-08:00

It is incredible how much hair a woman can grow in three months. If you are used to being bald, long, thick hair can be uncomfortable. Having a lot of hair can also change the way you feel. One of my clients told me that the hair had become so dense that her sexual sensations were significantly diminished. Now we can't have that happen.

2012-01-21T04:19:00.001-08:00

There is a deliberate reason that my blog is called Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha.

2012-01-20T02:13:00.000-08:00

A woman walked into my room and told me she had a full beaver damn down there.

2012-01-19T03:41:00.000-08:00

You know you're overdue when your husband offers to shave you.

2012-01-18T04:12:00.000-08:00

I never thought I'd like Austin Powers, but I did. And I really liked Beyonce as Foxxy Cleopatra. But when a girl comes in for a wax with a bush that looks like Foxxy, I want to run back to the 70's.

2012-01-17T03:45:00.001-08:00

I always find it interesting if the client tells their significant whether or not she is getting waxed. Some love the anticipation. Some like surprises. I asked a girl if her man knew she was at the salon. She said that although she never tells him she is going to Mark & M.E., she is convinced that getting a Brazilian must send off some kind of radar, because he always seems to know and is all over her when she gets home.

2012-01-16T04:30:00.000-08:00

Holiday's allow for extra hoo-ha time. Hope everyone enjoys all my hard work.

2012-01-15T05:03:00.000-08:00

When you are growing out your hair for your first wax, it can be uncomfortable to touch or to have touched, because it tends to be scratchy and coarse. But when waxed hair grows in, it tends to be soft. It didn't surprise me at all when a girl told me that her man didn't mind her waxed hair growing in. In fact, he said he really loved to pet her kitty.

2012-01-14T03:59:00.000-08:00

The only drawback to getting your 1st wax is that you have to let that prickly hair grow long enough. There are some girls that are planning to come to me but they are still in the GTB stage. Growing the bush.

2012-01-13T04:30:00.000-08:00

A girl came in for a wax that I hadn't seen since October. She said her boyfriend had been nagging her to get a wax. He told her it looked like an animal was living down there. When I finished waxing her, I told her to tell her boyfriend that I killed the animal.

2012-01-12T04:20:00.000-08:00

I don't like mean people and I really hate liars. I am inherently a happy, even tempered person that doesn't anger very easily. However, I am really frustrated that there are wax technicians around town bragging that I trained them when, in fact, I have not. I think it is a pretty shitty way for other people to drum up business.

2012-01-11T03:47:00.000-08:00

The diversionary tactics that I use in my combat room include my humor and some nasty stories.

2012-01-10T03:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel like I am working in a combat zone. But instead of a gun, my ammunition is hot wax and a Popsicle stick.

2012-01-09T04:24:00.001-08:00

I have been writing for an online men's magazine the past few months. I really like telling guys how to take care of themselves and how to act. The creator of this site wrote an article about me and the salon that blew me away. Check it out. It was awesome. http://thesocialgods.com/thanks-to-a-terrific-writer-and-business-owner/

2012-01-08T04:38:00.000-08:00

I haven't waxed anyone in over 2 weeks and I am itching to get back to work. Or maybe I'm itching because my hair has grown back and I need a wax? Of course not! Waxed hair is soft when it grows in. Brazilian babes don't have itchy beaves.

2012-01-07T04:21:00.000-08:00

This is the year of No Excuses. So if you've never tried a wax because you are afraid, get over it. Now is the time.

2012-01-06T04:46:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I have "what if" scenarios in my head. For example, can you imagine if it was career day in elementary school and kids were asked what their parents do for a living? I can imagine a child of mine saying that I work with animals. I'd expect the teacher to ask if his mom was a veternarian. Then my child would probably say that he thought I only worked with cats since I talk about pussies all of the time.

2012-01-05T05:19:00.000-08:00

Part 3. So you start out the date with a man who says he wants to do you all night long. Then when the time comes, he wants a quickie. Then when you are doing it, it appears you are too loud and too aggressive. How does someone flip their switch so quickly? Listen up guys, don't get us all excited with your talk unless you are man enough to follow through.

2012-01-04T04:47:00.000-08:00

The saga continues...So after my couple was mutually satiated, not only did the man continue to complain about his finger, he also complained because she yelled kind of loud in his ear when she came.

2012-01-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

i love hearing about my clients' sexual escapades. A man picks up his girl for a date and tells her that he can't wait to f" her all night. When they get back to his house, he just wants to do it. The girl tells him to slow down, because it's fun to play for awhile besides the fact that he said he wanted to do her all night long. When they finally start doing it, she is so caught up in the passion that she bites his finger. The dude yells that it hurt and stops the momentum. He proceeds to complain that she bit him throughout the night.

2012-01-02T05:18:00.000-08:00

I need to take a minute and thank all of the women who have entrusted me with their precious pusses. This past year was incredible. Yes, I was kicked, sworn at, peed, sweated and farted on, pushed against and squeezed to name a few, but, most importantly, I met some really awesome women and I laughed. In fact, I laughed a lot and loved every minute of my job. So to all you amazing ladies with your luscious hoo-ha's, Thank you!

2012-01-01T09:07:00.000-08:00

New Year. New Beginnings. New Ways to enjoy your wax.

2011-12-31T05:23:00.000-08:00

On this last day of the year, I hope everyone finds a way to pay some kind of tribute to that incredible part of the woman's body that brings life unto this magnificent Earth.

2011-12-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

With the New Year approaching, you may want to try a new look. I can leave a triangle on the front of your pubis. It seems to be a popular look these days. And it can represent an arrow in case your man is directionally challenged.

2011-12-29T04:10:00.000-08:00

It can be really funny what song comes on the radio while I am doing a wax. "Hurts so good" is always an appropriate jingle. While I was waxing a woman named Caroline, "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond came on the radio and she started singing. As the song was ending, she said that she would definitely be sweet when I finished with her.

2011-12-28T05:14:00.000-08:00

When a woman turned on her side so I could wax that forbidden backside, she told me that only her momma had ever been back in that area.

2011-12-27T04:38:00.000-08:00

I heard that some salons give you an ice pack after your wax. I really don't think that icing should be necessary unless the technician had a hard time trying to remove the hair and an unusual amount of swelling occurred. I think ice should be used exclusively for the cocktail that you have after your wax to celebrate just how damn sexy you are.

2011-12-26T04:26:00.000-08:00

I know that I can cause clients some discomfort, but it always makes me a little nervous when I look at their face and see that their glasses are fogged up.

2011-12-25T05:32:00.000-08:00

Whether you found time to take a quick trip to Brazil or not, I hope you find someone to enjoy your special parts with this Holiday Season.

2011-12-23T03:59:00.000-08:00

Another good email came my way. A girl wrote that she was feeling TOO insulated against the cold. My reply was that insulation was overrated.

2011-12-22T01:26:00.000-08:00

OK, so you're a little red. It is Christmas, you know.

2011-12-21T03:17:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to all of the women who are adding a Brazilian to their Christmas preparation list.

2011-12-20T03:37:00.000-08:00

Money tight this year? For fifty one dollars, you can get a Brazilian at Mark & M.E. and a big, red bow from the dollar store and make it the best Christmas he has ever had!

2011-12-19T03:17:00.001-08:00

If you have never removed all of your pubic hair, the sensation can be very strange. After a first timer finished cashing out, she sat on our couch in the waiting room and started flapping her knees in and out. I asked her if everything was OK down there. She said she had never felt so free.

2011-12-18T04:19:00.000-08:00

I love new clients. They provide me with new blog ideas all of the time. Like yesterday, when I asked a woman to hold her left leg up, she chanted "I'm not gonna kick her, I'm not gonna kick her...." over and over again until she was able to put that leg down.

2011-12-17T03:43:00.000-08:00

I love when someone tells me that they love me during the first visit, especially considering what I am doing to them.

2011-12-16T03:25:00.000-08:00

And the story continues....The girl on the floor was a bigger girl who had gotten on the table to get waxed but then chickened out. When she got off the table, she put on her bright, yellow thong and sat down trying decide whether or not she had the nerve to try again. When she was on the floor laughing, I asked her friend to roll on her side to wax her ass, and that's when my girl on the floor started hooting & hollering and actually rolling around on my carpet.

2011-12-15T03:57:00.000-08:00

I could actually write a hysterical SNL sketch about the two girls from yesterday. When the girl made the remark about her friend doing aerobics, she literally fell off the chair and was in ball on the floor laughing like a hyena.

2011-12-14T03:41:00.000-08:00

I had two young, silly black girls in for their first ever wax. The laughter & screaming could be heard through out the salon. When I had the first girl lift up her leg, her friend yelled, "she expects this nigger to do aerobics!?" My reply was short and to the point. I said, "no, not aerobics. Yoga."

2011-12-13T04:31:00.000-08:00

When a woman told her husband she was getting waxed after work, he said that his European woman was going away again.

2011-12-12T04:03:00.000-08:00

A nurse was describing what a prolapsed rectum looked like to me and how difficult is was to clean that area when someone had that medical problem. It sounds like a painful and embarrassing thing that can happen to your body. But I have to admit that one of my first thoughts after feeling sorry and uncomfortable for the woman was how in the hell I would wax her backside. I think I need a break from waxing.

2011-12-11T06:06:00.000-08:00

I love being your hero.

2011-12-10T03:04:00.000-08:00

I often ask my clients what their plans are for the weekends. When a girl told me she was going to a hockey game, I told her that her man needed to go skating on her rink.

2011-12-09T03:35:00.000-08:00

A girl complained to me that her jaw was clicking and hurt. I told her it sounded like she could have TMJ and maybe she should have it looked at. We talked about how it can be caused by stress and by clenching her jaw. She told me she was pretty anxious about her wax since it had been a while. Sorry darling, I am not responsible for your TMJ.

2011-12-08T04:10:00.001-08:00

I'm not the only person who waxes at Mark & M.E. so it's strange when I can hear someone getting waxed in another room but not be able to see what is going on. Not a lot of women scream loud enough that we can hear it through the walls, but it does happen occasionally. The other day I could hear a young girl yelling though the wall. It was weird for me to be able to hear her but not see her. But what really made it unsettling was when I heard her baby start crying. It appears the girl's screams scared the baby.